Statuses for Facebook

I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.

Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed

Sometimes I wish there was a 'Build-a-Girlfriend'.

I just can't seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.

My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.

I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don't know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc'd my new girlfriend who wanted proof.

I've had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver

Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend's head...

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. ..well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet..

My girlfriend dumped me because of my Spongebob obsession ...... at night!

Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it's like a high-five for your feet.....I need a girlfriend

I just threw a grenade at Bruno Mar's girlfriend. That dude is all talk.

Girlfriend left guy cause'he was too FAT..2weeks later girl sees guy looking like THIS! before/after pictures in my last status!

'McDonalds' Best place to breakup with ur Girlfriend. There are no sharp knives, forks or heavy plates & u can always hide behind a fat kid.

My girlfriend told me ''twitter or me''. Sometimes I really miss her..... (._.)