Statuses for Facebook

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

Local News. A couple turned themselves into police. Wonder what they were before.

The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

I scream. You scream. The police come ... It's awkward ;)

Helpful Tip : The police never think it's as funny as you do.

I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.

We should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.

I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.

There`s a serial killer in our house! Normal people: ''CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!'' - In movies: ''Lets go find him''

My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen.

If I'm a police, I'll arrest you for stealing my heart.

''Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body. Girl, look at that body.'' - Hilarious police officer at the scene of a triple homicide.

*Police Pulls me over* Police: ''Papers?'' Me: ''SCISSORS, I WIN!!''