Statuses for Facebook

You never appreciate things your mother did for you until you do the same things for your kids.

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well.

I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

Im just a typical stay-at-home dad. Except I don't do housework or have a wife or any kids.

My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...

Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.

I've noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to status about? "I'm getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they're NOT adopted?

I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.

Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can't believe kids this age are already so polite.

Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.

It's tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?

My tricks aren't for kids.

Always finish your beer. There's sober kids in Africa.

20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!