Statuses for Facebook

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, theres a reason.

My wife and I are trying to have a child. But it's so hard to take one out of Chuck E Cheese without anyone noticing...

Sometimes I get my wife and my GPS mixed up...they both tell me what to do every 30 feet.

My wife said she wanted something that went from 0 to 400 in 2 seconds....I got her a bathroom scale.

My wife always complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive... so I took her to the Gas Station.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Your wife is more of a "certificate of completion" than a "trophy"

The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house. I got the outside.

Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."

Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.

The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.